A New Day . . .

I walked out the door and started my 8-block-trek up Dolores street. The sun is shining brightly and its only 8:30—definitely didn't need my sweater and jacket. I feel fresh, new, nervous and excited just like the first day of school—where you could imagine what it would be like but really had no clue what was in store. (I even bought a new pair of dress pants for the occasion!) The sites on the streets were new to me . . . the 'For Rent' signs caught my attention immediately, the unique looks of the edwardian-style apartment buildings, parents dropping off their youngsters for school or daycare, and the all-important pedestrian 'walk' lights. I tried to notice everything.

Yesterday was my first day of work! Yes—I got a job. Just a temporary position with a non-profit called "Jews for Jesus." I work 40 hours a week for 4-6 weeks. The job: data-entry operator. What is that? Well, when you give a donation to a non-profit you eventually receive a receipt—my job is to enter in your donation information so each receipt is customized with the name, address, and donation amount printed on it. Its not exactly the most exciting job in the world obviously—but it is interesting to me (granted, I've only been doing it for 2 days).

Why is it interesting? For the last two years, I have worked for a large non-profit bringing in millions of dollars. I designed their receipts, their monthly newsletters, and other information the ministry sent them . . . and now I see how they kept it all straight. I understand the effort it takes to customize all those donor letters, receipts, appeals etc. (Sorry to spoil it for those who thought some poor employee had to type each letter individually so it looked like it was personally addressed to you!)

Let me back up to the beginning of story—where I walked out the door and was suddenly in San Francisco. Chris and I know a young couple in our new small group who got married just a few weeks after we did and are just now able to go on their honeymoon. They asked us to stay in their apartment while they're gone for the week (for free)! So, Chris and I are getting to 'try-out' living in San Francisco this week. We LOVE it!! The apartment is right in the middle of "The Mission" district which is exactly where we'd like to live. (And it cuts out the hour-long commute and transportation costs we have while living in Castro Valley.)

We have been blessed this week for sure—Chris is still working at his part-time temp job, I have this new temp job, and we're actually staying in San Francisco! Last week was also really great as Chris's mom, Sheryl, and younger sister, Shannon came to visit! You'll have to check out photos at here on facebook —hiking the Elkhorn Slough and the Muir Woods and visiting the Monterey Bay Aquarium were all fantastic. And getting to spend time with my new in-law family is always a pleasure!

Continue to pray we find full-time and long-term employment soon. Now that we've experienced life in the city, I'm not sure how much longer we can wait to move here!

I walked out the door and started my 8-block-trek up Dolores street. The sun is shining brightly and its only 8:30—definitely didn't need my sweater and jacket. I feel fresh, new, nervous and excited just like the first day of school—where you could imagine what it would be like but really had no clue what was in store. (I even bought a new pair of dress pants for the occasion!) The sites on the streets were new to me . . . the 'For Rent' signs caught my attention immediately, the unique looks of the edwardian-style apartment buildings, parents dropping off their youngsters for school or daycare, and the all-important pedestrian 'walk' lights. I tried to notice everything.

Yesterday was my first day of work! Yes—I got a job. Just a temporary position with a non-profit called "Jews for Jesus." I work 40 hours a week for 4-6 weeks. The job: data-entry operator. What is that? Well, when you give a donation to a non-profit you eventually receive a receipt—my job is to enter in your donation information so each receipt is customized with the name, address, and donation amount printed on it. Its not exactly the most exciting job in the world obviously—but it is interesting to me (granted, I've only been doing it for 2 days).

Why is it interesting? For the last two years, I have worked for a large non-profit bringing in millions of dollars. I designed their receipts, their monthly newsletters, and other information the ministry sent them . . . and now I see how they kept it all straight. I understand the effort it takes to customize all those donor letters, receipts, appeals etc. (Sorry to spoil it for those who thought some poor employee had to type each letter individually so it looked like it was personally addressed to you!)

Let me back up to the beginning of story—where I walked out the door and was suddenly in San Francisco. Chris and I know a young couple in our new small group who got married just a few weeks after we did and are just now able to go on their honeymoon. They asked us to stay in their apartment while they're gone for the week (for free)! So, Chris and I are getting to 'try-out' living in San Francisco this week. We LOVE it!! The apartment is right in the middle of "The Mission" district which is exactly where we'd like to live. (And it cuts out the hour-long commute and transportation costs we have while living in Castro Valley.)

We have been blessed this week for sure—Chris is still working at his part-time temp job, I have this new temp job, and we're actually staying in San Francisco! Last week was also really great as Chris's mom, Sheryl, and younger sister, Shannon came to visit! You'll have to check out photos at here on facebook —hiking the Elkhorn Slough and the Muir Woods and visiting the Monterey Bay Aquarium were all fantastic. And getting to spend time with my new in-law family is always a pleasure!

Continue to pray we find full-time and long-term employment soon. Now that we've experienced life in the city, I'm not sure how much longer we can wait to move here!

Struggles in Servanthood

Even though our situation remains the same—we don't have full time employment, we don't have a home, we don't know what to do next—I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster. Usually, I know that we are where God has told us to be, I am at peace, and have hope that someday soon we'll have work. Then there are days like this past Sunday where I feel like I want to scream and shout and be angry at God. It took me a while to actually put into words the frustration I was experiencing—I wanted my own way. I wasn't getting what I asked for and I was throwing a temper tantrum just like a two-year-old. (I didn't actually start pounding the floor but I thought about it.)

Everyday I remember the passage that inspired me to start this blog . . . "Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you." Well, we've been praying and asking like crazy believing that our requests will be granted. And everyday—nothing. I've been asking so many questions lately but never hearing any answers. I want to know why we don't have jobs yet . . . when will we have them . . . what will we be doing . . . where will we be living . . . when will we find a home . . . how long will this family let us stay here . . . is this right? Basically my question is, "God, why don't you give me what I want—when I want it?"

As I was processing this emotional battle and trying to figure out why I felt the way I did on Sunday, Chris was talking to his parents. He told me that his dad had gone through something similar many years ago where his cry to the Lord was, "Lord, don't I have rights?" To this the Lord responded, "No, I bought those on Calvary."

When Chris retold the story I felt like I was slapped in the face—of course I don't have rights. I've heard that before (thank you Jake Peterson and Prism). I should know that. But knowing that and believing it are two different things. If my life was purchased by Christ's blood and I am asked to serve Him with all that I am and all I do—I don't have rights. I am a slave to Christ. Does a slave become angry with his master and start demanding his rights? Not according to the Word.

I know that God is not my fairy godmother here to make all my dreams come true and make my life easy. But that is honestly how I treat Him sometimes. I think God knew that I would feel this way . . . that many people would feel frustrated by the turns life takes. There are so many passages in scripture that confirm it! Life won't be easy, we will have struggles, and God has his own way of doing things.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14

Thankfully, these verses calmed my anger and brought me peace once again. I can't imagine what it must be like for those that don't believe God has a plan—that He is with us. I might go through feelings of anger every now and then— or impatience, selfishness, pride, etc. But I can't live that way for long! The Spirit has a way of softening my heart giving me peace—and renewing my passion to be Christ's servant.

Even though our situation remains the same—we don't have full time employment, we don't have a home, we don't know what to do next—I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster. Usually, I know that we are where God has told us to be, I am at peace, and have hope that someday soon we'll have work. Then there are days like this past Sunday where I feel like I want to scream and shout and be angry at God. It took me a while to actually put into words the frustration I was experiencing—I wanted my own way. I wasn't getting what I asked for and I was throwing a temper tantrum just like a two-year-old. (I didn't actually start pounding the floor but I thought about it.)

Everyday I remember the passage that inspired me to start this blog . . . "Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you." Well, we've been praying and asking like crazy believing that our requests will be granted. And everyday—nothing. I've been asking so many questions lately but never hearing any answers. I want to know why we don't have jobs yet . . . when will we have them . . . what will we be doing . . . where will we be living . . . when will we find a home . . . how long will this family let us stay here . . . is this right? Basically my question is, "God, why don't you give me what I want—when I want it?"

As I was processing this emotional battle and trying to figure out why I felt the way I did on Sunday, Chris was talking to his parents. He told me that his dad had gone through something similar many years ago where his cry to the Lord was, "Lord, don't I have rights?" To this the Lord responded, "No, I bought those on Calvary."

When Chris retold the story I felt like I was slapped in the face—of course I don't have rights. I've heard that before (thank you Jake Peterson and Prism). I should know that. But knowing that and believing it are two different things. If my life was purchased by Christ's blood and I am asked to serve Him with all that I am and all I do—I don't have rights. I am a slave to Christ. Does a slave become angry with his master and start demanding his rights? Not according to the Word.

I know that God is not my fairy godmother here to make all my dreams come true and make my life easy. But that is honestly how I treat Him sometimes. I think God knew that I would feel this way . . . that many people would feel frustrated by the turns life takes. There are so many passages in scripture that confirm it! Life won't be easy, we will have struggles, and God has his own way of doing things.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14

Thankfully, these verses calmed my anger and brought me peace once again. I can't imagine what it must be like for those that don't believe God has a plan—that He is with us. I might go through feelings of anger every now and then— or impatience, selfishness, pride, etc. But I can't live that way for long! The Spirit has a way of softening my heart giving me peace—and renewing my passion to be Christ's servant.

Living By Faith . . .

". . . is living on the edge of disaster while trusting God for a miracle."

That is what the pastor at church told us last Sunday. It was repeated again this week. "Living by faith is living on the edge of disaster while trusting God for a miracle." Well, we're there! We have been in the San Francisco Bay Area for three months and continue to wait for God's miracle. Let me reassure you that the disaster is more emotional and spiritual that physical!

This past week has not been without hope. On Friday, Chris went into the city for an interview! The job was a three week temporary part-time position as an office manager—mostly answering phones and filing—for an investment firm. He started today!

But as exciting as that is, we still wait. We long to be living in San Francisco—to be a light in darkness. We desire work that lines up with our film and advertising backgrounds. (I want to have my own place with my own things.) We wait in expectation, often feeling as though we are put on hold.

Remember I mentioned we'd be dog-sitting for another couple in February? Well that ended up not working out—they found someone else to watch their dogs. So, we continue to stay with the Cathey's. They have been so kind and generous to us—indeed we have been blessed by them. But at the same time we feel like we're about to overstay our welcome.

Psalm 77 was a great reminder for me yesterday (please read it slowly if you have the time!):

I cried out to God for help;

I cried out to God to hear me.

When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;

at night I stretched out untiring hands

and my soul refused to be comforted.

I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;

I mused, and my spirit grew faint.

Selah

You kept my eyes from closing;

I was too troubled to speak.

I thought about the former days,

the years of long ago;

I remembered my songs in the night.

My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

"Will the Lord reject forever?

Will he never show his favor again?

Has his unfailing love vanished forever?

Has his promise failed for all time?

Has God forgotten to be merciful?

Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"

Selah

Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:

the years of the right hand of the Most High."

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

I will meditate on all your works

and consider all your mighty deeds.

Your ways, O God, are holy.

What god is so great as our God?

You are the God who performs miracles;

you display your power among the peoples.

With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,

the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

Selah

The waters saw you, O God,

the waters saw you and writhed;

the very depths were convulsed.

The clouds poured down water,

the skies resounded with thunder;

your arrows flashed back and forth.

Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,

your lightning lit up the world;

the earth trembled and quaked.

Your path led through the sea,

your way through the mighty waters,

though your footprints were not seen.

You led your people like a flock

by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

God has been so faithful in the past, hasn't he?!? Yes, he has! Chris and I were reflecting on all the things God has done for us in our lives and how he provides at just the right time. We continue to trust in Him, for His timing, His provision, and His will. We continue to live by faith.

". . . is living on the edge of disaster while trusting God for a miracle."

That is what the pastor at church told us last Sunday. It was repeated again this week. "Living by faith is living on the edge of disaster while trusting God for a miracle." Well, we're there! We have been in the San Francisco Bay Area for three months and continue to wait for God's miracle. Let me reassure you that the disaster is more emotional and spiritual that physical!

This past week has not been without hope. On Friday, Chris went into the city for an interview! The job was a three week temporary part-time position as an office manager—mostly answering phones and filing—for an investment firm. He started today!

But as exciting as that is, we still wait. We long to be living in San Francisco—to be a light in darkness. We desire work that lines up with our film and advertising backgrounds. (I want to have my own place with my own things.) We wait in expectation, often feeling as though we are put on hold.

Remember I mentioned we'd be dog-sitting for another couple in February? Well that ended up not working out—they found someone else to watch their dogs. So, we continue to stay with the Cathey's. They have been so kind and generous to us—indeed we have been blessed by them. But at the same time we feel like we're about to overstay our welcome.

Psalm 77 was a great reminder for me yesterday (please read it slowly if you have the time!):

I cried out to God for help;

I cried out to God to hear me.

When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;

at night I stretched out untiring hands

and my soul refused to be comforted.

I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;

I mused, and my spirit grew faint.

Selah

You kept my eyes from closing;

I was too troubled to speak.

I thought about the former days,

the years of long ago;

I remembered my songs in the night.

My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

"Will the Lord reject forever?

Will he never show his favor again?

Has his unfailing love vanished forever?

Has his promise failed for all time?

Has God forgotten to be merciful?

Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"

Selah

Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:

the years of the right hand of the Most High."

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

I will meditate on all your works

and consider all your mighty deeds.

Your ways, O God, are holy.

What god is so great as our God?

You are the God who performs miracles;

you display your power among the peoples.

With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,

the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

Selah

The waters saw you, O God,

the waters saw you and writhed;

the very depths were convulsed.

The clouds poured down water,

the skies resounded with thunder;

your arrows flashed back and forth.

Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,

your lightning lit up the world;

the earth trembled and quaked.

Your path led through the sea,

your way through the mighty waters,

though your footprints were not seen.

You led your people like a flock

by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

God has been so faithful in the past, hasn't he?!? Yes, he has! Chris and I were reflecting on all the things God has done for us in our lives and how he provides at just the right time. We continue to trust in Him, for His timing, His provision, and His will. We continue to live by faith.