Keep Trusting and Waiting

A week ago, we had our first MOPS meeting of the season and it blew me away. We had the biggest turn out ever and everything seemed to go fairly smoothly. I'm the lead coordinator this year and was feeling a lot of self-driven pressure leading up to the morning. I could not have expected or hoped for a better meeting. I was riding on this high all day and then Chris came home and told me some news that turned my high into the lowest low.

Back in July we had applied for another condo through the Mayors Office of Housing (they have below market rate units for sale if you qualify). It's all done by lottery. The results came out in August and we were near the top. In tier 3 we were number 3 (total number 5, I think). There were a total of 6 units and we were super hopeful that they would get to our number and we would qualify and be approved for the mortgage and finally be able to move.

Well, I think you can see where this is going. After weeks of waiting for the applicants in front of us to be vetted we got an email last week that said everyone in front of us has entered into contract and they are moving on to the 4th tier (only the first two applicants were taken from the 3rd tier per all the rules that are too cumbersome to explain/understand.)

There were a number of reasons my hopes had been so high.
1) The location: 8 blocks or less from several friends, walking distance to church, in a sunny part of town, closer to Chris's work...
2) The size: although it wasn't huge and there wasn't a yard or community center to be seen, it was a two bedroom with plenty of storage and a decent kitchen. There was even a walk in closet that could be an office.
3) There was a washer/dryer in the unit, a parking spot and a bike spot.
4) For this year it would have been 3 blocks from William's school.

It seemed so perfect. I could be more active with my friends in that neighborhood, we could be super close to church and be a little more active there (not rushing home for naps all the time). We wouldn't have to walk 2 blocks to get to our car -- we wouldn't need to take our car everywhere! Strengthened community was the biggest pull. It sounds silly, but the effort it takes to get anywhere often deters me from leaving the house.

Another reason I had high hopes in this unit was that we'd been waiting for something just like this for so long . . . nearly 4 years! Actively looking, saving, applying and waiting . . . four years.

So, that was the news on Tuesday last week. And those are some of the reasons I found myself in such a low state. Giving up, letting go of dreams that had started taking root felt so hard. And it hit me at that moment that I didn't even know how much hope I had been leaning on until it was taken away. I fell hard.

Fast forward six days and I'm teaching children's church on Sunday to several 3-5 year olds. The memory verse was Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart." Words that Chris has often quoted in this process. The lesson that day was focused on Abraham and Sarah waiting on God's promise that they would have decedents more numerous than the stars. Can you picture that kind of waiting? To have decedents you have to have children. Poor Sarah is watching the months go by, becoming years and years . . . just waiting. Her husband so certain that God will make good on his word. But she is passed the age of bearing children. And then she has a son.

Every month the kids learn a catch praise. This month is "God keeps his promises." And although we haven't had an actual promise that we will get a 2 bedroom condo in San Francisco for less than half a million dollars (I would love if scripture were that direct!) he does promise that he will provide for us, that he cares for us, and knows what we need. So, as I was teaching these little children to trust in God's promises even if you have to wait a long time, God was reminding me to do the very same.

So, I'm letting go of those dreams I held so tightly and seeking God for new dreams and next steps and trying each day to remain faithful in trusting Him while I wait. If I have to chant the catch phrase like a 3 year old, so be it!

A week ago, we had our first MOPS meeting of the season and it blew me away. We had the biggest turn out ever and everything seemed to go fairly smoothly. I'm the lead coordinator this year and was feeling a lot of self-driven pressure leading up to the morning. I could not have expected or hoped for a better meeting. I was riding on this high all day and then Chris came home and told me some news that turned my high into the lowest low.

Back in July we had applied for another condo through the Mayors Office of Housing (they have below market rate units for sale if you qualify). It's all done by lottery. The results came out in August and we were near the top. In tier 3 we were number 3 (total number 5, I think). There were a total of 6 units and we were super hopeful that they would get to our number and we would qualify and be approved for the mortgage and finally be able to move.

Well, I think you can see where this is going. After weeks of waiting for the applicants in front of us to be vetted we got an email last week that said everyone in front of us has entered into contract and they are moving on to the 4th tier (only the first two applicants were taken from the 3rd tier per all the rules that are too cumbersome to explain/understand.)

There were a number of reasons my hopes had been so high.
1) The location: 8 blocks or less from several friends, walking distance to church, in a sunny part of town, closer to Chris's work...
2) The size: although it wasn't huge and there wasn't a yard or community center to be seen, it was a two bedroom with plenty of storage and a decent kitchen. There was even a walk in closet that could be an office.
3) There was a washer/dryer in the unit, a parking spot and a bike spot.
4) For this year it would have been 3 blocks from William's school.

It seemed so perfect. I could be more active with my friends in that neighborhood, we could be super close to church and be a little more active there (not rushing home for naps all the time). We wouldn't have to walk 2 blocks to get to our car -- we wouldn't need to take our car everywhere! Strengthened community was the biggest pull. It sounds silly, but the effort it takes to get anywhere often deters me from leaving the house.

Another reason I had high hopes in this unit was that we'd been waiting for something just like this for so long . . . nearly 4 years! Actively looking, saving, applying and waiting . . . four years.

So, that was the news on Tuesday last week. And those are some of the reasons I found myself in such a low state. Giving up, letting go of dreams that had started taking root felt so hard. And it hit me at that moment that I didn't even know how much hope I had been leaning on until it was taken away. I fell hard.

Fast forward six days and I'm teaching children's church on Sunday to several 3-5 year olds. The memory verse was Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart." Words that Chris has often quoted in this process. The lesson that day was focused on Abraham and Sarah waiting on God's promise that they would have decedents more numerous than the stars. Can you picture that kind of waiting? To have decedents you have to have children. Poor Sarah is watching the months go by, becoming years and years . . . just waiting. Her husband so certain that God will make good on his word. But she is passed the age of bearing children. And then she has a son.

Every month the kids learn a catch praise. This month is "God keeps his promises." And although we haven't had an actual promise that we will get a 2 bedroom condo in San Francisco for less than half a million dollars (I would love if scripture were that direct!) he does promise that he will provide for us, that he cares for us, and knows what we need. So, as I was teaching these little children to trust in God's promises even if you have to wait a long time, God was reminding me to do the very same.

So, I'm letting go of those dreams I held so tightly and seeking God for new dreams and next steps and trying each day to remain faithful in trusting Him while I wait. If I have to chant the catch phrase like a 3 year old, so be it!