My Friend Chastidy

I lost a close friend last month to cancer. I've been processing her passing for weeks and still find myself missing her and struggling to grasp this new reality that she isn't here. I've been meaning to write a tribute to her in this space and reflect on what she meant to me and what she taught me but the words fail me. Her Celebration of Life service was this past weekend which was really a wonderful time of hundreds of people gathered to remember and honor her. And it seems fitting to finally sit down and write my own memorial. Or rather, my memories of her and how she left her mark on me.

We first met at our church. Chastidy and her husband Matthew had moved to the city a few years before us and Chastidy was now the director of Alpha Pregnancy Center. She spoke about the Walk for Life at church one Sunday and the stories she shared really impacted me. I knew I had to participate. I ended up being on Matthew's team and walked a lot longer than I had signed up for! At the event Chastidy shared more stories of their clients and the people they try to help as well as sharing needs the center had. Again I was moved. We started supporting Alpha Pregnancy center shortly after and I have been a supporter and fundraiser and walker ever since the Fall of 2011.

Through Alpha's events over the years I had several opportunities to hear Chastidy speak. She was an amazing speaker -- so full of passion, wisdom, and vision. Every time I heard her speak, I felt like I was drawn closer to the Lord and a flame was flickering for the cause of protecting the unborn. Her testimony was so powerful; her life anything but easy. It seemed like struggle and heartbreak followed her nearly everywhere. But her testimony of God walking close to her during each of those trials was so evident and her faith was so firm and real that I left inspired and changed.

Our lives overlapped more as our husbands began working for the same visual effects company. We hung out more--doing dinner and game nights and becoming friends. We shared burdens, lent them our truck when they had car troubles and lamented together the housing struggles we both faced.

When their housing plans fell through and they were forced to move out of their house which they had planned to buy we referred them out landlord who had a vacant unit in our building. In 2015, they became our neighbors! It wasn't what they wanted and she would tell me she hated living there often, but I'd like to think that being neighbors was a silver lining and a blessing for us both.

After suffering miscarriages, she was able to carry her fifth baby to term and in February 2016 she had a daughter. We were overjoyed for them! I even got to take her maternity photographs. I started envisioning how we could do motherhood together -- Stephen born just three months later. Playdates, date night swaps, shared childcare... it was going to be awesome for both of us.

 But throughout the pregnancy she would tell me that something wasn't quite right, that she wasn't feeling well. Everyone told her it was pregnancy related -- including me. And when she confessed her abnormal fatigue after going back to work I repeated it again, adding that working with a baby at your side was the most exhausting thing I had ever done. But she insisted that this was different. And she was right. With a five month old baby in her arms she received the news that she had Stage 4 colon cancer. Our world was shaken to the core. We all surrounded her with prayers for healing; our community rallied meals and childcare and prayer meetings. We believed that this godly, courageous, faithful woman would indeed by healed by the living God. This woman who fought for the unborn, who wanted nothing more than to be a mother and finally got her chance would certainly be given more time to be a mother to her baby girl.

I was so scared for her. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to be what she needed. I was so afraid of saying the wrong things (which I did, often); I was so afraid of speaking doubt over her faith. I was afraid my faith wasn't strong enough to heal. I don't remember exactly how we organized it but I tried to help however I could -- usually babysitting or meals. And once I quit my job in January, 2017 I was more available to help. I watched her daughter as often as I could -- frustrated with how I couldn't handle three kids for longer than 2 hours at a time. And I brought her family meals on a weekly basis.

We taught William to pray for her and he did every single night. I was so hopeful that my son would get to see God answer his prayers in this amazing way at such a young age. That the faith of a child could bring healing.

After a year had passed I think something switched for one or both of us (like her energy level and my schedule) and instead of just passing food across the threshold or picking up her daughter for a few hours, we started to hang out together with the kids. Maybe 15 minutes here or there and then somehow it became an hour or even two. And I would sit with her and hear her stories, hear what she was experiencing and learning in her walk with God. And after knowing each other for years, we finally hit a rhythm of doing life together. It probably had something to do with our kids being able to play while we chatted! And after William started TK, she would watch Stephen while he napped while I did school pickup and I would watch her daughter once a week for a few hours in return. Last Christmas, we did our advent calendar crafts with the kids together. Traditions and memories were being made. It was so very special.

But the cancer continued. Her body was suffering. Fatigue and difficult breathing were the outward manifestations of the tumors taking over her insides. She kept her eyes on Jesus and spoke in churches and MOPS groups all over the Bay Area encouraging us to keep the faith in times of trial. And all over again, my friend inspired me in my faith. Just like she did before her cancer story even began. She didn't falter. Her faith got even stronger. Her story more compelling. She kept a blog throughout her journey, if you are compelled to know her through her writing. I would start here.

When we moved to our new place in February, we saw them much less often but through May I tried to get over there once a week to visit/help. I doubt it happened that regularly though. Her body was weakening and she was in a lot of pain. In July she flew to Ohio to spend her days with her dad and family there. July 4th was the last day I got to see her. I gave her a hug and she told me how much she missed living near me; I treasured her words to me that day -- she wasn't the type to say something just to be nice!

And now she is gone to be with Jesus. And that is truly the better place. While she did want to live here as long as possible and mother her daughter forever, being with Jesus was her end goal. She finished her race. She now has a restored, brand new body. The things we trusted and believed for on this earth were granted in Heaven. It isn't how we imagined or hoped, but He is still Good.

One of the most powerful lessons Chastidy demonstrated and taught was believing in God no matter what. Believing in his Goodness and Faithfulness even when to our eyes it looked the opposite. This is an excerpt from her blog post after she experienced a loss of a friend. She also spoke this same thing to our MOPS group, with tears streaming down her cheeks, she proclaimed, "but even if He doesn't, I will still worship Him."

Oh, Lord, I am asking my God for a long long life. I struggle to put it out to the world. What if it doesn’t happen? But, what if it does? I go back to Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego— when faced with a life threatening challenge, they kept a firm hope in God’s rescue plan for them. And they told the king who was threatening them, “we know God will rescue us, but even if He doesn’t…” and they stood firm in faith. They were thrown into a fire, but Jesus was with them, they were protected and miraculously they came out of it without any burns and not even a scorch mark on their clothing! 

So here I am, looking at this fiery trial. I know God has the ability to rescue me, to heal me, I believe He will. But even if He doesn’t I’ll still praise only Him. I’m mourning the deaths of my friends. My heart is raw right now. but I’m still going to praise God. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

I had these very words in my heart after I heard that she passed. I'm mourning the death of my friend, my heart is raw, but I'm still going to praise God. This is her legacy in my life. Her steadfast faith and belief that Jesus is the one worthy of our praise. Always.

I lost a close friend last month to cancer. I've been processing her passing for weeks and still find myself missing her and struggling to grasp this new reality that she isn't here. I've been meaning to write a tribute to her in this space and reflect on what she meant to me and what she taught me but the words fail me. Her Celebration of Life service was this past weekend which was really a wonderful time of hundreds of people gathered to remember and honor her. And it seems fitting to finally sit down and write my own memorial. Or rather, my memories of her and how she left her mark on me.

We first met at our church. Chastidy and her husband Matthew had moved to the city a few years before us and Chastidy was now the director of Alpha Pregnancy Center. She spoke about the Walk for Life at church one Sunday and the stories she shared really impacted me. I knew I had to participate. I ended up being on Matthew's team and walked a lot longer than I had signed up for! At the event Chastidy shared more stories of their clients and the people they try to help as well as sharing needs the center had. Again I was moved. We started supporting Alpha Pregnancy center shortly after and I have been a supporter and fundraiser and walker ever since the Fall of 2011.

Through Alpha's events over the years I had several opportunities to hear Chastidy speak. She was an amazing speaker -- so full of passion, wisdom, and vision. Every time I heard her speak, I felt like I was drawn closer to the Lord and a flame was flickering for the cause of protecting the unborn. Her testimony was so powerful; her life anything but easy. It seemed like struggle and heartbreak followed her nearly everywhere. But her testimony of God walking close to her during each of those trials was so evident and her faith was so firm and real that I left inspired and changed.

Our lives overlapped more as our husbands began working for the same visual effects company. We hung out more--doing dinner and game nights and becoming friends. We shared burdens, lent them our truck when they had car troubles and lamented together the housing struggles we both faced.

When their housing plans fell through and they were forced to move out of their house which they had planned to buy we referred them out landlord who had a vacant unit in our building. In 2015, they became our neighbors! It wasn't what they wanted and she would tell me she hated living there often, but I'd like to think that being neighbors was a silver lining and a blessing for us both.

After suffering miscarriages, she was able to carry her fifth baby to term and in February 2016 she had a daughter. We were overjoyed for them! I even got to take her maternity photographs. I started envisioning how we could do motherhood together -- Stephen born just three months later. Playdates, date night swaps, shared childcare... it was going to be awesome for both of us.

 But throughout the pregnancy she would tell me that something wasn't quite right, that she wasn't feeling well. Everyone told her it was pregnancy related -- including me. And when she confessed her abnormal fatigue after going back to work I repeated it again, adding that working with a baby at your side was the most exhausting thing I had ever done. But she insisted that this was different. And she was right. With a five month old baby in her arms she received the news that she had Stage 4 colon cancer. Our world was shaken to the core. We all surrounded her with prayers for healing; our community rallied meals and childcare and prayer meetings. We believed that this godly, courageous, faithful woman would indeed by healed by the living God. This woman who fought for the unborn, who wanted nothing more than to be a mother and finally got her chance would certainly be given more time to be a mother to her baby girl.

I was so scared for her. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to be what she needed. I was so afraid of saying the wrong things (which I did, often); I was so afraid of speaking doubt over her faith. I was afraid my faith wasn't strong enough to heal. I don't remember exactly how we organized it but I tried to help however I could -- usually babysitting or meals. And once I quit my job in January, 2017 I was more available to help. I watched her daughter as often as I could -- frustrated with how I couldn't handle three kids for longer than 2 hours at a time. And I brought her family meals on a weekly basis.

We taught William to pray for her and he did every single night. I was so hopeful that my son would get to see God answer his prayers in this amazing way at such a young age. That the faith of a child could bring healing.

After a year had passed I think something switched for one or both of us (like her energy level and my schedule) and instead of just passing food across the threshold or picking up her daughter for a few hours, we started to hang out together with the kids. Maybe 15 minutes here or there and then somehow it became an hour or even two. And I would sit with her and hear her stories, hear what she was experiencing and learning in her walk with God. And after knowing each other for years, we finally hit a rhythm of doing life together. It probably had something to do with our kids being able to play while we chatted! And after William started TK, she would watch Stephen while he napped while I did school pickup and I would watch her daughter once a week for a few hours in return. Last Christmas, we did our advent calendar crafts with the kids together. Traditions and memories were being made. It was so very special.

But the cancer continued. Her body was suffering. Fatigue and difficult breathing were the outward manifestations of the tumors taking over her insides. She kept her eyes on Jesus and spoke in churches and MOPS groups all over the Bay Area encouraging us to keep the faith in times of trial. And all over again, my friend inspired me in my faith. Just like she did before her cancer story even began. She didn't falter. Her faith got even stronger. Her story more compelling. She kept a blog throughout her journey, if you are compelled to know her through her writing. I would start here.

When we moved to our new place in February, we saw them much less often but through May I tried to get over there once a week to visit/help. I doubt it happened that regularly though. Her body was weakening and she was in a lot of pain. In July she flew to Ohio to spend her days with her dad and family there. July 4th was the last day I got to see her. I gave her a hug and she told me how much she missed living near me; I treasured her words to me that day -- she wasn't the type to say something just to be nice!

And now she is gone to be with Jesus. And that is truly the better place. While she did want to live here as long as possible and mother her daughter forever, being with Jesus was her end goal. She finished her race. She now has a restored, brand new body. The things we trusted and believed for on this earth were granted in Heaven. It isn't how we imagined or hoped, but He is still Good.

One of the most powerful lessons Chastidy demonstrated and taught was believing in God no matter what. Believing in his Goodness and Faithfulness even when to our eyes it looked the opposite. This is an excerpt from her blog post after she experienced a loss of a friend. She also spoke this same thing to our MOPS group, with tears streaming down her cheeks, she proclaimed, "but even if He doesn't, I will still worship Him."

Oh, Lord, I am asking my God for a long long life. I struggle to put it out to the world. What if it doesn’t happen? But, what if it does? I go back to Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego— when faced with a life threatening challenge, they kept a firm hope in God’s rescue plan for them. And they told the king who was threatening them, “we know God will rescue us, but even if He doesn’t…” and they stood firm in faith. They were thrown into a fire, but Jesus was with them, they were protected and miraculously they came out of it without any burns and not even a scorch mark on their clothing! 

So here I am, looking at this fiery trial. I know God has the ability to rescue me, to heal me, I believe He will. But even if He doesn’t I’ll still praise only Him. I’m mourning the deaths of my friends. My heart is raw right now. but I’m still going to praise God. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

I had these very words in my heart after I heard that she passed. I'm mourning the death of my friend, my heart is raw, but I'm still going to praise God. This is her legacy in my life. Her steadfast faith and belief that Jesus is the one worthy of our praise. Always.