Why Can't I Say That?

If you listen to my five year old for any amount of time you would hear what sounds a lot like bragging . . . about everything he can do. Here's an example:

William after writing the alphabet: "Mom, I'm really good at writing, aren't I?"
William getting ready to play a game with mom: "Mom, we're going to play Sleeping Queens, and I bet I'm going to win because I'm pretty good at this game."
William running: "Mom, aren't I the fastest?"

One day at the park he found another little boy who was willing to compete at life with him and the conversation went like this:
William: "I'm taller than you."
Other boy: "I'm Five. How old are you?"
William: "I'm 4 1/2."
Other boy: "I'm fast."
William: "I'm faster."

Usually when Chris or I hear this language, we try to bring him into reality and say something like, "William, you must really like writing," or "You've learned a lot since you started school." Sometimes we even talk to him about how there will always be someone better, faster, or taller than he is in life and he should just try his best. But it doesn't seem to phase him.

This morning after William had made one of these comments and I said, "I wonder what it would sound like if I talked like my five year old . . . I'm so tall, I'm so pretty, I'm so smart, I'm the best mom . . . " I said this in a light, joking manner and then Chris looked at me and said "Well, those are all true!" And I stopped.

I never say these kinds of things to myself (especially not out loud). In fact, I say the opposite. I'm ugly, I'm not smart enough, I'm not a good mom, I'm a giant. And those are not true. I'm speaking lies to myself.

Why can't I tell myself true statements? Okay, I might not be the BEST mom, but you know what I mean. And why do I feel compelled to teach my son that he isn't the best at anything right now? Why can't I let him brag about his new skills? Or course I don't want him to be self-centered or have a big ego. I want him to be kind to others and have courage to stand up for what's right. But what if in William's inner voice turns out like mine?

I don't have the answer to this. I'm sure it's a little bit of a balancing act -- helping him to see others' gifts and talents as well as his own and to use respectful language that doesn't put others down. But I also want to teach him to believe in himself and know what is true of himself.

So, if you need a fun exercise for yourself why not take a minute and pretend you are five. Shout out what you love, what you are great at, what you are the best at. Let yourself hear the words. 

If you listen to my five year old for any amount of time you would hear what sounds a lot like bragging . . . about everything he can do. Here's an example:

William after writing the alphabet: "Mom, I'm really good at writing, aren't I?"
William getting ready to play a game with mom: "Mom, we're going to play Sleeping Queens, and I bet I'm going to win because I'm pretty good at this game."
William running: "Mom, aren't I the fastest?"

One day at the park he found another little boy who was willing to compete at life with him and the conversation went like this:
William: "I'm taller than you."
Other boy: "I'm Five. How old are you?"
William: "I'm 4 1/2."
Other boy: "I'm fast."
William: "I'm faster."

Usually when Chris or I hear this language, we try to bring him into reality and say something like, "William, you must really like writing," or "You've learned a lot since you started school." Sometimes we even talk to him about how there will always be someone better, faster, or taller than he is in life and he should just try his best. But it doesn't seem to phase him.

This morning after William had made one of these comments and I said, "I wonder what it would sound like if I talked like my five year old . . . I'm so tall, I'm so pretty, I'm so smart, I'm the best mom . . . " I said this in a light, joking manner and then Chris looked at me and said "Well, those are all true!" And I stopped.

I never say these kinds of things to myself (especially not out loud). In fact, I say the opposite. I'm ugly, I'm not smart enough, I'm not a good mom, I'm a giant. And those are not true. I'm speaking lies to myself.

Why can't I tell myself true statements? Okay, I might not be the BEST mom, but you know what I mean. And why do I feel compelled to teach my son that he isn't the best at anything right now? Why can't I let him brag about his new skills? Or course I don't want him to be self-centered or have a big ego. I want him to be kind to others and have courage to stand up for what's right. But what if in William's inner voice turns out like mine?

I don't have the answer to this. I'm sure it's a little bit of a balancing act -- helping him to see others' gifts and talents as well as his own and to use respectful language that doesn't put others down. But I also want to teach him to believe in himself and know what is true of himself.

So, if you need a fun exercise for yourself why not take a minute and pretend you are five. Shout out what you love, what you are great at, what you are the best at. Let yourself hear the words.