My Friend Chastidy

I lost a close friend last month to cancer. I've been processing her passing for weeks and still find myself missing her and struggling to grasp this new reality that she isn't here. I've been meaning to write a tribute to her in this space and reflect on what she meant to me and what she taught me but the words fail me. Her Celebration of Life service was this past weekend which was really a wonderful time of hundreds of people gathered to remember and honor her. And it seems fitting to finally sit down and write my own memorial. Or rather, my memories of her and how she left her mark on me.

We first met at our church. Chastidy and her husband Matthew had moved to the city a few years before us and Chastidy was now the director of Alpha Pregnancy Center. She spoke about the Walk for Life at church one Sunday and the stories she shared really impacted me. I knew I had to participate. I ended up being on Matthew's team and walked a lot longer than I had signed up for! At the event Chastidy shared more stories of their clients and the people they try to help as well as sharing needs the center had. Again I was moved. We started supporting Alpha Pregnancy center shortly after and I have been a supporter and fundraiser and walker ever since the Fall of 2011.

Through Alpha's events over the years I had several opportunities to hear Chastidy speak. She was an amazing speaker -- so full of passion, wisdom, and vision. Every time I heard her speak, I felt like I was drawn closer to the Lord and a flame was flickering for the cause of protecting the unborn. Her testimony was so powerful; her life anything but easy. It seemed like struggle and heartbreak followed her nearly everywhere. But her testimony of God walking close to her during each of those trials was so evident and her faith was so firm and real that I left inspired and changed.

Our lives overlapped more as our husbands began working for the same visual effects company. We hung out more--doing dinner and game nights and becoming friends. We shared burdens, lent them our truck when they had car troubles and lamented together the housing struggles we both faced.

When their housing plans fell through and they were forced to move out of their house which they had planned to buy we referred them out landlord who had a vacant unit in our building. In 2015, they became our neighbors! It wasn't what they wanted and she would tell me she hated living there often, but I'd like to think that being neighbors was a silver lining and a blessing for us both.

After suffering miscarriages, she was able to carry her fifth baby to term and in February 2016 she had a daughter. We were overjoyed for them! I even got to take her maternity photographs. I started envisioning how we could do motherhood together -- Stephen born just three months later. Playdates, date night swaps, shared childcare... it was going to be awesome for both of us.

 But throughout the pregnancy she would tell me that something wasn't quite right, that she wasn't feeling well. Everyone told her it was pregnancy related -- including me. And when she confessed her abnormal fatigue after going back to work I repeated it again, adding that working with a baby at your side was the most exhausting thing I had ever done. But she insisted that this was different. And she was right. With a five month old baby in her arms she received the news that she had Stage 4 colon cancer. Our world was shaken to the core. We all surrounded her with prayers for healing; our community rallied meals and childcare and prayer meetings. We believed that this godly, courageous, faithful woman would indeed by healed by the living God. This woman who fought for the unborn, who wanted nothing more than to be a mother and finally got her chance would certainly be given more time to be a mother to her baby girl.

I was so scared for her. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to be what she needed. I was so afraid of saying the wrong things (which I did, often); I was so afraid of speaking doubt over her faith. I was afraid my faith wasn't strong enough to heal. I don't remember exactly how we organized it but I tried to help however I could -- usually babysitting or meals. And once I quit my job in January, 2017 I was more available to help. I watched her daughter as often as I could -- frustrated with how I couldn't handle three kids for longer than 2 hours at a time. And I brought her family meals on a weekly basis.

We taught William to pray for her and he did every single night. I was so hopeful that my son would get to see God answer his prayers in this amazing way at such a young age. That the faith of a child could bring healing.

After a year had passed I think something switched for one or both of us (like her energy level and my schedule) and instead of just passing food across the threshold or picking up her daughter for a few hours, we started to hang out together with the kids. Maybe 15 minutes here or there and then somehow it became an hour or even two. And I would sit with her and hear her stories, hear what she was experiencing and learning in her walk with God. And after knowing each other for years, we finally hit a rhythm of doing life together. It probably had something to do with our kids being able to play while we chatted! And after William started TK, she would watch Stephen while he napped while I did school pickup and I would watch her daughter once a week for a few hours in return. Last Christmas, we did our advent calendar crafts with the kids together. Traditions and memories were being made. It was so very special.

But the cancer continued. Her body was suffering. Fatigue and difficult breathing were the outward manifestations of the tumors taking over her insides. She kept her eyes on Jesus and spoke in churches and MOPS groups all over the Bay Area encouraging us to keep the faith in times of trial. And all over again, my friend inspired me in my faith. Just like she did before her cancer story even began. She didn't falter. Her faith got even stronger. Her story more compelling. She kept a blog throughout her journey, if you are compelled to know her through her writing. I would start here.

When we moved to our new place in February, we saw them much less often but through May I tried to get over there once a week to visit/help. I doubt it happened that regularly though. Her body was weakening and she was in a lot of pain. In July she flew to Ohio to spend her days with her dad and family there. July 4th was the last day I got to see her. I gave her a hug and she told me how much she missed living near me; I treasured her words to me that day -- she wasn't the type to say something just to be nice!

And now she is gone to be with Jesus. And that is truly the better place. While she did want to live here as long as possible and mother her daughter forever, being with Jesus was her end goal. She finished her race. She now has a restored, brand new body. The things we trusted and believed for on this earth were granted in Heaven. It isn't how we imagined or hoped, but He is still Good.

One of the most powerful lessons Chastidy demonstrated and taught was believing in God no matter what. Believing in his Goodness and Faithfulness even when to our eyes it looked the opposite. This is an excerpt from her blog post after she experienced a loss of a friend. She also spoke this same thing to our MOPS group, with tears streaming down her cheeks, she proclaimed, "but even if He doesn't, I will still worship Him."

Oh, Lord, I am asking my God for a long long life. I struggle to put it out to the world. What if it doesn’t happen? But, what if it does? I go back to Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego— when faced with a life threatening challenge, they kept a firm hope in God’s rescue plan for them. And they told the king who was threatening them, “we know God will rescue us, but even if He doesn’t…” and they stood firm in faith. They were thrown into a fire, but Jesus was with them, they were protected and miraculously they came out of it without any burns and not even a scorch mark on their clothing! 

So here I am, looking at this fiery trial. I know God has the ability to rescue me, to heal me, I believe He will. But even if He doesn’t I’ll still praise only Him. I’m mourning the deaths of my friends. My heart is raw right now. but I’m still going to praise God. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

I had these very words in my heart after I heard that she passed. I'm mourning the death of my friend, my heart is raw, but I'm still going to praise God. This is her legacy in my life. Her steadfast faith and belief that Jesus is the one worthy of our praise. Always.

I lost a close friend last month to cancer. I've been processing her passing for weeks and still find myself missing her and struggling to grasp this new reality that she isn't here. I've been meaning to write a tribute to her in this space and reflect on what she meant to me and what she taught me but the words fail me. Her Celebration of Life service was this past weekend which was really a wonderful time of hundreds of people gathered to remember and honor her. And it seems fitting to finally sit down and write my own memorial. Or rather, my memories of her and how she left her mark on me.

We first met at our church. Chastidy and her husband Matthew had moved to the city a few years before us and Chastidy was now the director of Alpha Pregnancy Center. She spoke about the Walk for Life at church one Sunday and the stories she shared really impacted me. I knew I had to participate. I ended up being on Matthew's team and walked a lot longer than I had signed up for! At the event Chastidy shared more stories of their clients and the people they try to help as well as sharing needs the center had. Again I was moved. We started supporting Alpha Pregnancy center shortly after and I have been a supporter and fundraiser and walker ever since the Fall of 2011.

Through Alpha's events over the years I had several opportunities to hear Chastidy speak. She was an amazing speaker -- so full of passion, wisdom, and vision. Every time I heard her speak, I felt like I was drawn closer to the Lord and a flame was flickering for the cause of protecting the unborn. Her testimony was so powerful; her life anything but easy. It seemed like struggle and heartbreak followed her nearly everywhere. But her testimony of God walking close to her during each of those trials was so evident and her faith was so firm and real that I left inspired and changed.

Our lives overlapped more as our husbands began working for the same visual effects company. We hung out more--doing dinner and game nights and becoming friends. We shared burdens, lent them our truck when they had car troubles and lamented together the housing struggles we both faced.

When their housing plans fell through and they were forced to move out of their house which they had planned to buy we referred them out landlord who had a vacant unit in our building. In 2015, they became our neighbors! It wasn't what they wanted and she would tell me she hated living there often, but I'd like to think that being neighbors was a silver lining and a blessing for us both.

After suffering miscarriages, she was able to carry her fifth baby to term and in February 2016 she had a daughter. We were overjoyed for them! I even got to take her maternity photographs. I started envisioning how we could do motherhood together -- Stephen born just three months later. Playdates, date night swaps, shared childcare... it was going to be awesome for both of us.

 But throughout the pregnancy she would tell me that something wasn't quite right, that she wasn't feeling well. Everyone told her it was pregnancy related -- including me. And when she confessed her abnormal fatigue after going back to work I repeated it again, adding that working with a baby at your side was the most exhausting thing I had ever done. But she insisted that this was different. And she was right. With a five month old baby in her arms she received the news that she had Stage 4 colon cancer. Our world was shaken to the core. We all surrounded her with prayers for healing; our community rallied meals and childcare and prayer meetings. We believed that this godly, courageous, faithful woman would indeed by healed by the living God. This woman who fought for the unborn, who wanted nothing more than to be a mother and finally got her chance would certainly be given more time to be a mother to her baby girl.

I was so scared for her. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to be what she needed. I was so afraid of saying the wrong things (which I did, often); I was so afraid of speaking doubt over her faith. I was afraid my faith wasn't strong enough to heal. I don't remember exactly how we organized it but I tried to help however I could -- usually babysitting or meals. And once I quit my job in January, 2017 I was more available to help. I watched her daughter as often as I could -- frustrated with how I couldn't handle three kids for longer than 2 hours at a time. And I brought her family meals on a weekly basis.

We taught William to pray for her and he did every single night. I was so hopeful that my son would get to see God answer his prayers in this amazing way at such a young age. That the faith of a child could bring healing.

After a year had passed I think something switched for one or both of us (like her energy level and my schedule) and instead of just passing food across the threshold or picking up her daughter for a few hours, we started to hang out together with the kids. Maybe 15 minutes here or there and then somehow it became an hour or even two. And I would sit with her and hear her stories, hear what she was experiencing and learning in her walk with God. And after knowing each other for years, we finally hit a rhythm of doing life together. It probably had something to do with our kids being able to play while we chatted! And after William started TK, she would watch Stephen while he napped while I did school pickup and I would watch her daughter once a week for a few hours in return. Last Christmas, we did our advent calendar crafts with the kids together. Traditions and memories were being made. It was so very special.

But the cancer continued. Her body was suffering. Fatigue and difficult breathing were the outward manifestations of the tumors taking over her insides. She kept her eyes on Jesus and spoke in churches and MOPS groups all over the Bay Area encouraging us to keep the faith in times of trial. And all over again, my friend inspired me in my faith. Just like she did before her cancer story even began. She didn't falter. Her faith got even stronger. Her story more compelling. She kept a blog throughout her journey, if you are compelled to know her through her writing. I would start here.

When we moved to our new place in February, we saw them much less often but through May I tried to get over there once a week to visit/help. I doubt it happened that regularly though. Her body was weakening and she was in a lot of pain. In July she flew to Ohio to spend her days with her dad and family there. July 4th was the last day I got to see her. I gave her a hug and she told me how much she missed living near me; I treasured her words to me that day -- she wasn't the type to say something just to be nice!

And now she is gone to be with Jesus. And that is truly the better place. While she did want to live here as long as possible and mother her daughter forever, being with Jesus was her end goal. She finished her race. She now has a restored, brand new body. The things we trusted and believed for on this earth were granted in Heaven. It isn't how we imagined or hoped, but He is still Good.

One of the most powerful lessons Chastidy demonstrated and taught was believing in God no matter what. Believing in his Goodness and Faithfulness even when to our eyes it looked the opposite. This is an excerpt from her blog post after she experienced a loss of a friend. She also spoke this same thing to our MOPS group, with tears streaming down her cheeks, she proclaimed, "but even if He doesn't, I will still worship Him."

Oh, Lord, I am asking my God for a long long life. I struggle to put it out to the world. What if it doesn’t happen? But, what if it does? I go back to Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego— when faced with a life threatening challenge, they kept a firm hope in God’s rescue plan for them. And they told the king who was threatening them, “we know God will rescue us, but even if He doesn’t…” and they stood firm in faith. They were thrown into a fire, but Jesus was with them, they were protected and miraculously they came out of it without any burns and not even a scorch mark on their clothing! 

So here I am, looking at this fiery trial. I know God has the ability to rescue me, to heal me, I believe He will. But even if He doesn’t I’ll still praise only Him. I’m mourning the deaths of my friends. My heart is raw right now. but I’m still going to praise God. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

I had these very words in my heart after I heard that she passed. I'm mourning the death of my friend, my heart is raw, but I'm still going to praise God. This is her legacy in my life. Her steadfast faith and belief that Jesus is the one worthy of our praise. Always.

Dragons Love Taco Party

About a month ago, William was begging to buy a dragon costume. He just really wanted to dress up like a dragon at home. So he used his savings and bought one (and that meant Stephen did too). When it arrived in the mail he exclaimed, "I'm going to wear this to my birthday party!" While he didn't really want to have a costume party, he definitely wanted to be a dragon at his party. So we went with it.

Brainstorming what to do with dragons at a birthday party I remembered the book "Dragon's Love Tacos" which the boys thought was hilarious. And the boys both actually love tacos. So I planned our menu off that and had a Dragons Love (Breakfast) Tacos Birthday party last weekend.

William then requested he have a "6" on his cake that looked like a dragon! Well, I was not going to become a professional cake decorator overnight so I had him draw me a picture of what that actually looked like. And I have to say, I did a pretty good job of transferring his idea to the cake. (Turns out I can decorate a cake like a 6 year old's drawing!) Whew! He loved it.

The day of the party arrived and I was fearing forecasted rain but it turned out to be the most perfect day and not too hot (as we had suffered for the week prior). He wore his costume until he got too warm and feasted on his taco and wrestled and played with his friends who came to celebrate with him. He blew out his candles and devoured his cake (each child requesting part of the "6"). 

We had a great morning with our friends. And I love this photo above because it's what I hope for with our birthday parties - the kids are off playing (or having a snack) while the parents get to catch up on life and enjoy time together.

My only fail (other than ordering too many tacos, but we are enjoying the leftovers) was the party favor... they were cute and made to match the theme, but I will never include slime in a favor bag ever again! It was basically sticky water. . . Stephen opened it right after we got home from the party and it ended up everywhere! In the trash they went. Sorry parents!!

About a month ago, William was begging to buy a dragon costume. He just really wanted to dress up like a dragon at home. So he used his savings and bought one (and that meant Stephen did too). When it arrived in the mail he exclaimed, "I'm going to wear this to my birthday party!" While he didn't really want to have a costume party, he definitely wanted to be a dragon at his party. So we went with it.

Brainstorming what to do with dragons at a birthday party I remembered the book "Dragon's Love Tacos" which the boys thought was hilarious. And the boys both actually love tacos. So I planned our menu off that and had a Dragons Love (Breakfast) Tacos Birthday party last weekend.

William then requested he have a "6" on his cake that looked like a dragon! Well, I was not going to become a professional cake decorator overnight so I had him draw me a picture of what that actually looked like. And I have to say, I did a pretty good job of transferring his idea to the cake. (Turns out I can decorate a cake like a 6 year old's drawing!) Whew! He loved it.

The day of the party arrived and I was fearing forecasted rain but it turned out to be the most perfect day and not too hot (as we had suffered for the week prior). He wore his costume until he got too warm and feasted on his taco and wrestled and played with his friends who came to celebrate with him. He blew out his candles and devoured his cake (each child requesting part of the "6"). 

We had a great morning with our friends. And I love this photo above because it's what I hope for with our birthday parties - the kids are off playing (or having a snack) while the parents get to catch up on life and enjoy time together.

My only fail (other than ordering too many tacos, but we are enjoying the leftovers) was the party favor... they were cute and made to match the theme, but I will never include slime in a favor bag ever again! It was basically sticky water. . . Stephen opened it right after we got home from the party and it ended up everywhere! In the trash they went. Sorry parents!!

2019 Walk for Life

Alpha Pregnancy Center's Walk for Life is just 22 days away and I'm really excited for it . . . for a number of reasons! Let me tell you:

1) This year Chris and my two sons will be joining my team! Chris walked with me years ago but since William was born we have always had them stay home for that precious morning nap. But this year, Stephen isn't napping anymore and they are old enough to start participating in this service activity. I know the actual walking 2-3 miles will be challenging for them. But it'll be a good stretch and they'll get to be a part of giving gifts to a family in need.

2) My Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group is doing a service project in two weeks to help Alpha prepare for the Walk! We are going to be stuffing all the gift bags with all the donated toys and clothes that will be delivered. They are estimating a total of 60 families and each family gets at least 5 bags of presents! That's a lot of packing! I applied for a "Action Team" grant through Thrivent Financial and we'll be using those funds to provide special care packages for the moms too! 

3) We set a goal of raising $1000 for our family's participation and we're nearly half way there already! I'm blown away by such generous givers and quick responses! If you'd like to sponsor us, please go to my crowdrise fundraising page.

But there is also a bit of sadness around this event for me this year. Eight years ago, I met the director of Alpha Pregnancy Center and realized that she attended our church. I signed up to walk the Walk that same year and quickly became more involved with the organization -- mostly with designing their newsletter -- and fundraising for the Walk every year since. Over the years, I became friends with her and eventually neighbors. Stephen is the same age as her daughter so we even got to motherhood together for a while.  In 2016, she was diagnosed with colon cancer and fought really hard doing a number of treatments that kept her going for over three years. But this past August she went to be with Jesus. When you lose someone it's fairly normal to mourn over the "firsts" of things that they aren't there for... so this is my first Walk for Life that my friend won't be there. She was the one who invited me that very first year and got me involved in the cause. She has been the event planner and brains and passion behind this event for over a decade. It was her story, her faith and her courage that inspired me in so many ways over the past eight years. There are just so many memories. And now she isn't here and she won't be there on October 19. It's a strange feeling. So we are walking because we do it every year. We love Alpha Pregnancy Center and what they do on a daily basis. But I'll also be remembering my friend on this walk and giving thanks for the difference she made in thousands of families -- mine included.

Alpha Pregnancy Center's Walk for Life is just 22 days away and I'm really excited for it . . . for a number of reasons! Let me tell you:

1) This year Chris and my two sons will be joining my team! Chris walked with me years ago but since William was born we have always had them stay home for that precious morning nap. But this year, Stephen isn't napping anymore and they are old enough to start participating in this service activity. I know the actual walking 2-3 miles will be challenging for them. But it'll be a good stretch and they'll get to be a part of giving gifts to a family in need.

2) My Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group is doing a service project in two weeks to help Alpha prepare for the Walk! We are going to be stuffing all the gift bags with all the donated toys and clothes that will be delivered. They are estimating a total of 60 families and each family gets at least 5 bags of presents! That's a lot of packing! I applied for a "Action Team" grant through Thrivent Financial and we'll be using those funds to provide special care packages for the moms too! 

3) We set a goal of raising $1000 for our family's participation and we're nearly half way there already! I'm blown away by such generous givers and quick responses! If you'd like to sponsor us, please go to my crowdrise fundraising page.

But there is also a bit of sadness around this event for me this year. Eight years ago, I met the director of Alpha Pregnancy Center and realized that she attended our church. I signed up to walk the Walk that same year and quickly became more involved with the organization -- mostly with designing their newsletter -- and fundraising for the Walk every year since. Over the years, I became friends with her and eventually neighbors. Stephen is the same age as her daughter so we even got to motherhood together for a while.  In 2016, she was diagnosed with colon cancer and fought really hard doing a number of treatments that kept her going for over three years. But this past August she went to be with Jesus. When you lose someone it's fairly normal to mourn over the "firsts" of things that they aren't there for... so this is my first Walk for Life that my friend won't be there. She was the one who invited me that very first year and got me involved in the cause. She has been the event planner and brains and passion behind this event for over a decade. It was her story, her faith and her courage that inspired me in so many ways over the past eight years. There are just so many memories. And now she isn't here and she won't be there on October 19. It's a strange feeling. So we are walking because we do it every year. We love Alpha Pregnancy Center and what they do on a daily basis. But I'll also be remembering my friend on this walk and giving thanks for the difference she made in thousands of families -- mine included.